Author Topic: How are you at writing script?  (Read 5450 times)


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How are you at writing script?
« on: October 04, 2013, 11:36:31 am »
Here you are, it is my latest re-write of a re-write of a re-write that hopefully I'll do as a book.
But the thing is, how would you write it as script?
State if for TV or film, don't bother being to fancy with the format, as long as it is understandable.
But if enough people offer something you might get to see another way of writing what you've done.
Do all of it, or part of it, I don't mind.
If you want to rewrite parts of it for the script, not a problem.

Samuel started the eighteenth meeting
of Swandar Ghost Hunters Club.
He looked dismayed at Rosey.
“Do I have to call
the start of the meeting
with only two the two of us present.”
He looked at all the empty chairs.
Tabling the minutes
of the last meeting
asking if there were any apologies? 
“What do you think Rosey.
Should we make all apologies
Rosey stood up quickly 
she slapped both hands on the table, hard. 
Samuel reacted with surprise.
He grabbed at his chest.
Rosey liked his reaction.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” he said
clutching his chest, breathing deep.
Rosey told him who had offered
their apologies and what they were.
“Suzy and Jeff are in town,
getting her dad a birthday gift,
Kal was told a close friend had died,
she has gone to pay her respects
at his grave.
That Glenn and Linda have gone,
to do an exorcism.
“What about Susan and Adrian.
have they spoken to you of late?”
“Most nights,” said Rosey,
“they’ll be at the local library
they are busy doing research
for a documentary they are making.
They did some filming at where
they have chosen,
and found a ghost,
so the research is to find out why
the ghost is there.
Though they did ask for our help.”
“Here we are at a meeting
that they haven’t turn up to,
and they have the cheek to ask
us to help them in what they are
doing,” said Samuel.
The telephone started to ring,
it was loud, Samuel almost jumped
out of his chair.
He grabbed at his chest.
“That’s twice in one night,” he said.
Rosey grabbed the phone.
“Samuel,” she asked,
“Why is the ring so loud?”
“I turn it up when I go to the garden,
I forgot to turn it down.”
Rosey listened to hear who it was.
“Kal,” she said, “I thought you’re
going to a friend’s grave?” 
“Yes, still going,” replied Kal,
“I’m calling you, reporting in for
the meeting. You know how Sam
likes an apology.”
“Just hang on a sec, I’ll turn on the
extension speaker. That’s better
now Samuel can hear us as well.
He wanted to postpone the meeting,
as it is just Samuel and I here.”
“Oh Rosey, by yourselves at last?
You clever girl, how did you plan
that?” “It was, I planned it? What
are you on about?” asked Rosey. 
“You know full well what I mean,
still, what if I say, you two should
get a room?”
Rosey blushed,
she looked to Samuel.
Then whispered into the phone.
“Kal, how could you say that?”
Samuel called from his chair.
“You do realise I can hear you,
don’t you Kal?” he asked,
“Are you far away from here,
and will you be getting any
further away.”
“I’m on the coach,” replied Kal,
“And it is going away, so yes,
you could I’m going further away.
Though maybe I shouldn’t have
said all that, another reason why I
rang is I need your help.”
“Excuse me,
after what you just said,” said Rosey.
A smile on her lips.
“I think some serious grovelling
is in order. So KNEEL BITCH.”
Kal laughed aloud,
taking Rosey’s outburst in jest.
“I am, I am,” she cried,
“I’ve she’d just woken from a
Dream, a very vivid dream.
Maybe it was because of the
movement of the coach,
the dream being so weird.”
Samuel looked to Rosey.
“Why is Kal so worried,
it is only about a dream?”
“Linda and I have been teaching
Kal, we both agree there is
something else with her, we were
going to teach her about the usual
meanings; like a snake in a dream
means something good,
but Kal’s dreams aren’t like that,
I’ve seen her dreams come true.
Once she said what we would do
while she had the dream.
So if she thinks her dream is weird,
I’d suggest you believe her.”
“So her dreams are not with
hidden meanings,
are you saying they might be true
prophetic dreams?” asked Samuel.
“The last one she had, she told me
where I would be sitting,
what I was wearing,
even the weather.”
“That’s fair enough. Kal, tell us
about your dream, and give us as
much detail as you can.”
“Okay, but this one was weird,
I’m worried that this one might
come true, this was my dream.
In an area of the ocean some
bubbles began to rise, they burst
on the water’s surface, on the swell.
A giant floated down and watched
as another giant rose up out of
the water.” “Kal, who they were?”
“The one who floated down,
he was God. The other,
the one in the sea
he was the Devil
and the reason they met?
It was because they were bored.
The Devil said that he had nothing
to do. God joked, about the Devil
causing pain, that it wasn’t the
same as it used to be.
The Devil agreed,
he said about the first screams
and threats, that they were fun.
But when he’d heard them
repeated a thousand times
they stopped being fun. But now
they were just a memory.
Then God said those first souls
that went to him,
they were full of tears
of happiness, cries of joy.
And before long they sounded
the same. But that was then,
like you God said there had been
The Devil said something must be
wrong, he said that a flood
wouldn’t do this time, that more
needed to be done.
I can still recall the look
on Gods face.
He was worried.
The Devil asked if he had received
any souls since his son had returned.
As the Devil said, he’d had none. 
They looked to each other.
“If you are right said God
who could do this?
The Devil said he hoped he was wrong
but it could be his son,
that the son wanted to get revenge
and that he was going to
remove both of us.”
“God said he’d send his army
to investigate. But the Devil said no.
He said that if he was right then
whoever it was might face his son
with the power of the souls of the
dead from the last two thousand
years. That his power might be
too great, the Devil suggested
that she should be sent in.
God said yes and no,
he said she might face your son,
his followers and that he might
have the power of the souls of
the dead as well, that this time the
Debt Collector will need all your
power and all my power.
Then the Devil said he knew where
she was, but he said that you
should call her,” said Kal, “What
do you think?”
“Yes, that was weird,” said Samuel.
“Much more than weird,” said Rosey,
“Given that it is true. It means that
God and the Devil exist, more so is
this other the Debt Collector, she
faces a battle with the Devil’s son.
"Was there anything else Kal?”
“Yes, what is next I found
disturbing, it is why I rang.
This Debt Collector has been
hidden in mankind and that she is
a woman, that she is on a coach
and that the coach is about to
crash, very soon.”
“Kal, you don’t think that you are
this Debt Collector an emissary of
God and the Devil?” asked Samuel.
“The Debt Collector name is
Kal-na. Before I met any of you, 
when my sister was young and
learning to speak. Before she
could talk properly, before she
could say my name,     
my full name.
None of you know this as
everyone knows me as Kal,
my real name is Kaelyn Nataniella.
Her name for me was Kal-na,
that was shortened to Kal
by my friends. But the Devil said
the person was about to die in a
coach crash. I am so worried
right now, tell me it can’t be me,
“Kal,” said Samuel, “You are
taking this a bit too seriously,
I mean really,
you think that you are
this Kal-na. No I don’t think you….
Tyres screeched,
the sound burst
from the phone
the sound filled the room.
Rosey and Samuel stared at the phone.
The wheels of the coach locked,
from fifty five miles per hour to
nought. The tyres loudly protested
Rosey’s turned to face Samuel.
Tears welled in her eyes,
then ran down her cheeks.
“Sam?” stated Rosey.
“Rosey, no, a coincidence, it must
be a coincidence,” said Samuel.
“Is our Kal dead?” asked Rosey
Her voice beginning to tremble.
Kal looked about, why had she
been thrown forward? She saw
a man in the middle of the road
he stood still and watched as the
coach slammed into him. The
coach had been swerving,
trying to avoid him, it began to
tip over then the windows
smashed, as the metal was
ground onto the road.
The runaway coach slid down
the side of the road,
slicing through a fence
smashing against trees,
the quiet of the night was gone.
Then the coach slid onto muddy
ground. The quiet returned,
The coach stopped,
bodies of people lay still,
trails of blood ran onto the earth,
bloodied corpses abound,
so many people were dead.
The driver was slumped
on the steering wheels, covered
in safety glass,
halfway along the coach,
in the luggage rack
a passengers remains hung.
Kal’s distraught torso
lay where a window was
it leaked blood
that formed a trail,
Kal tried to raise herself
onto an arm but to energy
wasn’t there. Her arm fell
to her body’s side.
She felt herself falling asleep.
The figure of Kal-na rose,
from Kal’s body
she glanced about
then looked down at Kal.
“You don’t want me to do this,
this should be your time of peace
but you’ll thank me for this later.”
Kal-na stomped on her arm
and caused a fracture.
“That’ll do.”
Kal-na wandered to the back
of the broken coach
climbing from the wreckage
she saw the carnage of bodies
all around,
she saw one on the road.
She walked to it,
watched it repair itself
so she kicked it, hard.
“Wake up, what were you doing,
damned vampire?”
Not knowing what was
it turned its head,
it looked to the side
“Ah, I had the coach crash,
lots of dead for me, all that blood.”
The vampire looked to Kal-na.
“And noe there is you. You can
be first, lucky you.”
Kal-na grinned, breathing in deep,
accepting with glee what she’d do.
The vampire’s eyes lit up,
it bared its teeth.
“Now I’m going drink you.”
The vampire opened its mouth wide,
Kal-na’s eyes began to glow.
“What? You? You don’t scare me,
I scare you, my name is Kal-na
I am the latest Debt Collector and
you owe God a debt.” 
Her eyes became as blue,
her face lit with light
brightness grew around her,
the brightness of the sun.
It enveloped the vampire
then returned into Kal-na.
The vampires body became dust
the wind blew it away
before it reached the road.
“And I bet you thought
God gave the wind
to cool the day,
idiot vampires.”
Rosey was shocked, she gazed
to Samuel, she sobbed,
“And now she is dead? 
Should we call the police,
the hospital,
the owners of the coach?”
Samuel thought hard and fast,
wondering how they could
explain it to the authorities
“What is it that we know?
What do we say,
« Last Edit: October 04, 2013, 11:38:50 am by Maidenscombe »