Fiction > Share your writing

One of my scripts...

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mysticjim:
Hi everyone,

I've previously mentioned that I have quite a few unfinished scripts knocking around.  As I've found a bit of time to advance one on a little bit further, I thought I'd share with you what I have so far - probably about two thirds of the way through the first act.

Its very provisional title is currently 'Run, Don't Look' or 'Don't Look, Just Run.'  Its just a reference to those corny moments in horror films when the next victim stupidly stops to look over their shoulder rather than just legging it away from whatever horror is lurking!  To be honest, I'm not happy with either title and fully expect to change them if I ever finish this script.

As I've also mentioned previously, I'm a bit of a zombie fan, although technically, the antagonists within the script are not zombies they are infected with a virus - much the same as in 28 Days Later or Devils Playground, etc.

Most of the various characters are loosely based people I've known, certainly the call centre depicted in the start of the story is quite closely drawn from autobiographical experience!

I'd describe it as a black comedy/horror - its not entirely played for laughs in the way, say, Shaun of the Dead was - but I've tried to make it fairly sharp and witty.

I've utilised voice-over narration from the main protagonist, and a lot of the first act is set in flashback, to bring the viewer up to speed.  I know some people hate voice-over, and I don't utilise it often, but I do like it as a device in scripts, and for all of the detractors I tend to point out Fight Club, Lock Stock and Snatch as superb examples where it helps to make the film, so thats my excuse for using it!

As per the general guidance, I probably should point out that the script contains scenes of gory violence and lots of bad language

Finally, I've decided to attach the script as a PDF rather than paste the whole lot into a forum post and that totally screws up the formatting. 

Well, hope someone takes the time to read it, and absolutely open to constructive feedback, don't mind if you love it or loath it.  Tell me about what bits, if any, that you like, and where I might possibly improve it, etc, but honestly don't mind if you totally hate it, I'm not precious about it!  ;D

thanks

Jim

Rich:
Hi Jim,

Sorry I haven't read it yet - I will try and read it sometime later this week. Please prod me if you haven't heard anything. :)

mysticjim:
No worries Rich, its a small forum full of busy people, wasn't expecting instant responses.  :)

Maidenscombe:
I don't think you need to worry about the format. The format requirements can change depending on which country you send the script to. Some places in America specify the binder for your script, and if the spacings aren't right or the wrong number of spacings are used, the script won't be read.

Depending on which draft you are writing, on who is reading the script, changes are also required. For when the actors are reading the script, putting the characters name in bold is good.
The industry preferred format here is that the characters name is only put in higher case in the action directions before the person says something and when they say something, then in lower case thereafter.
When a person talks, don't make it too long or you will lose the viewers interest, as films are a visual thing. So break up the length of a persons speech, even if it is by the action of straightening the picture on the wall.
When writing for the tv you'll need to keep a character saying something. The way that works is, if the person watching the show goes to the kitchen to make a cuppa, if they hear what is being said they can still follow the story.
Don't make the scene too long, if a scene is over three pages you'll lose all sense of pacing.
When you have finished the script, do a harsh edit. Then a rewrite.

Depending on where the script is for the log line may be different.
Here it's (example) EXT. IN THE KITCHEN, BRIAN'S HOME - MORNING (and add the time of the day if it is important) sometimes numbering the scene is a requirement, when the film is being filmed, having the scenes numbered is needed.
Also, depending on where your script is going, if they break how the script is held together and a page is dropped somewhere, having the page numbered may not help.
If I want to retain the copyright, the top line of each page is,
(copyright sign) my name, Month and year when I wrote it, what the film is called, the page number. Thay way should a page be lost by a producer who has 30 scripts to read, the page can be put in the right script and in the right place. Also if the producer is trying to decide between 3 scripts you've just helped yourself.         

(it should be noted that I live in Australia)

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